July 25, 2010 - Hopi Prophecy

I did not write this, but I can see where we are in the progression of the signs, and I felt a need to communicate this to you. The prophecies below are a small part of the prophecy of the Hopi. There is much more that they say, but these are the signs to the ending of the Fourth World, and the beginning of the Fifth.

"The Fourth World shall end soon, and the Fifth World will begin. This the elders everywhere know. The Signs over many years have been fulfilled, and so few are left.
"This is the First Sign: We are told of the coming of the white-skinned men, like Pahana, but not living like Pahana men who took the land that was not theirs. And men who struck their enemies with thunder.
"This is the Second Sign: Our lands will see the coming of spinning wheels filled with voices. In his youth, my father saw this prophecy come true with his eyes -- the white men bringing their families in wagons across the prairies."
"This is the Third Sign: A strange beast like a buffalo but with great long horns, will overrun the land in large numbers. These White Feather saw with his eyes -- the coming of the white men's cattle."
"This is the Fourth Sign: The land will be crossed by snakes of iron."
"This is the Fifth Sign: The land shall be criss-crossed by a giant spider's web."
"This is the Sixth sign: The land shall be criss-crossed with rivers of stone that make pictures in the sun."
"This is the Seventh Sign: You will hear of the sea turning black, and many living things dying because of it."
"This is the Eight Sign: You will see many youth, who wear their hair long like my people, come and join the tribal nations, to learn their ways and wisdom.
"And this is the Ninth and Last Sign: You will hear of a dwelling-place in the heavens, above the earth, that shall fall with a great crash. It will appear as a blue star. Very soon after this, the ceremonies of my people will cease.

The ceremonies cease for a time, and then resume to a new world.

If you look at recent events, you see that we have experienced (and I wouldn’t be surprised) will still experience the Seventh sign. We are fast approaching a very different world order. I think it is time to ready ourselves for what is to come.

-ag

July 22, 2010

My friend has challenged me to a duel! The best kind of duel!
We are to write in our blogs once a week.
Cool,
Here goes….

OK, so a billion years ago (not that long, really) I fell in love with a “taken” man. And that never culminated into anything, so I fell in love with another “taken” man. ‘Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it’ they say. This one did result in a relationship. It didn’t end well…lol

Because at first, you see, I convince myself that I will not get serious about said “taken” man, I’m only here for the vo-de-o-do. After awhile, however, I begin to resent the time and energy spent away from me. Meanwhile, he’s thinking he has it made, and only beginning to wonder if I might be getting too attached.

His intuition is right, and I am getting way too attached. And I’ll tell you why. Deep down in my little girl soul I long and yearn for a true relationship with a man. I don’t want to admit it, but I do, and there is no cure for that.

So my anger starts to eat me, and I start ‘picking away’ at this man. He starts to wonder why he even went there with me, and starts appreciating his significant other more. From there, it’s either a long, slow death spiral, or someone gets merciful and ends the agony quickly.

Either way, I lose. I lose a relationship that I invested in, I lose the man, and I lose a little self respect. I wrote this down in the hopes that I don’t repeat my history. Wish me luck…I’m not perfect!

-ag

5/12/2010 Conglomerate Corporations

I became aware of the outside world in the 70’s, and as a child of that generation, I truly believed in mankind’s ability to change the world for the common good, and I believed that my generation was going to be the one to affect that change. Don’t get me wrong, I still believe we create our world and direct where it goes, but I am highly disappointed that on mass, we have created the society that we have now.

In the 70’s, people still worked their jobs for 30 years or more and retired with benefits from the corporations that they worked for. They could still be hired without a college degree and, with hard work and dedication, they could still make a living and look forward to a time when they would be allowed to rest.

Individuals built up companies in their garages, looked and planned for a future, and turned these same small companies into money making organizations. These entrepreneurs knew every aspect of their business because at some point or other, they had sat and worked this position. These individuals also knew all of the employees that worked for them. They knew the families of their employees, and watched their kids grow over the years. Everyone had a vested interest in seeing the company grow more and more each year, so not only did they have a future, but their children had one as well. They looked out to see where they were going and how they were going to fit in to the future economy in order to make their profit. They valued their independence and self sufficiency. We didn’t realize it yet, but we were in the midst of a golden era regarding entrepreneurships. We were still human beings, and not just a number.

Somewhere between there and now, conglomerate-type corporations of the world began to ‘gobble’ up these individually owned companies in order to diversify their investment. They wanted to mitigate the risk of having all their eggs in one basket, and this was seen as the way to protect the investment. So instead of being an expert in what they were doing with one basket, they gave up expertise for volume. They chose to buy 5 more baskets, and hire 5 managers to look after their interests, instead of putting that money back into the original company to update and keep ahead of the competition. Basically, that says to me that you have very little faith in your abilities to keep a company running and healthy. Hmmmm.

Instead of having knowledge and control of a product or service, they gave all that away. The passion of the original entrepreneur is lost, the passion to build something meaningful and productive from an idea or product. The passion is gone, and the bean counters rule, because it isn’t about common sense anymore, it’s just about the money. It’s about the next raise and the next bonus and the next promotion. No longer do we work for a company for 30 years to retire from it. Now the professionals of the world work for a company for 5 years average and move on. Since they are not going to be with the company for a lifetime, are they going to worry about the long term plan? They’ll set the goals and sit in boardrooms discussing it all, but do they really have an invested interest in what the company is doing 30 years down the road? No, they do not. They realize that they will not be there then, and they have to prove their worth to the current management in place (who will not last at their jobs for any length of time, either) by proving how they are saving the corporation money and improving processes constantly, and they have to do this today. Returns are to be grand and immediate. The level of greed that they are working with has high expectations of a hefty, quick return. If they don’t prove today that they are saving tons of money for the investors, they will be out of a job tomorrow, and they know it. They create and manipulate data for their spreadsheets and power point presentations that “prove” that they are really worth the money paid to them, and to keep for their portfolio when they are searching for their next position.

Gone are the days when the individual owner would use current profit to further the company in the next 10 or 20 years, knowing that this year’s profit would be weak because of that decision. Gone is the passion to provide and produce quality services and product, knowing all along that it will cost more to insure that quality. Gone are the days when the owner knows the name of your spouse and children, and has a vested interest in your level of stress and happiness.

Now you are just a number, and a number that costs (bottom line). It no longer matters that your spouse/child/parent is having medical difficulties. You will either fit into the mold provided, or you will be eliminated. It no longer matters that rising cost of living has affected your ability to subsist at all. You will either fit into the mold provided, or you will be eliminated. It doesn’t matter that you have been a loyal and true worker for years. They can find someone with less experience out there to do your job for less money. No matter that you know what you are doing, and how to get it done efficiently. You are perceived as a drain on the corporation, and not an asset. You will be eliminated.

We lack self esteem, because no matter what we do on the job, unless we can prove that we are saving the company our wages plus five other people’s wages (on a colorful and complicated spreadsheet), we have no worth, and we are a drain. We lack security because nothing that we do is good enough for management. No matter what we have done, they will continually ask for more. We lack faith as we see how other worker’s have been treated during times of individual turmoil and upheaval. We know that in today’s market, we are nothing.

Now, I’m not going to blame any political party or any elite group residing in the world today for this skewed existence. The world that we live in today was created by us…all of us. Because when you look at the basic tenets of these corporations, it is all about greed. They have to have immediate and substantial profits at every quarter – a year from now is too late! And that is what each and every one of us (who have been sucked in by this philosophy) has come to want as well. We want the large four bedroom home with the vaulted ceilings in the good neighborhood, and we want this within the year, not ten years down the road. We want all the amenities, the appliances, the cable tv attached to every tv set in the house. We feel we need the individual cell phones and laptop computers for every member of the household. And we want it now.

We don’t want to wait to save the money to avoid interest rates and monthly bills. We refuse to wait even a small amount of time to afford our wants. We want it now, and we’ll buy it all on credit. We don’t care that our future employment should never be a ‘given’, we don’t want to think of that. We just know that we want something, and we want it now. Kind of sounds like a child, huh?

Our greed and lack of foresight are the driving forces behind our society, and this is reflected in the way our society is set up. This is ‘acceptable’ to us, because it allows us to gratify our wishes fairly immediately with tons of items to make our lives more convenient. We do not, as a society, go ‘without’ today so that we can ‘have’ tomorrow. We do not consider the consequences of our decisions and actions today, to ensure a better tomorrow for our children and for the planet we live on. We want what we want and we want it now.

We are the conglomerate corporations, gobbling up as many items as we can right now, to stave off the insecurity we feel inside. We are the ones to devalue ourselves because we don’t own enough ‘bright and shiny’ things. No amount of money will ever be enough to keep us from being afraid from what tomorrow will bring. So we will raid and pillage today with no thought of tomorrow.

We are the disease. Our thoughts are ‘skewed’ and drive us to act without foresight. The society that we build is a reflection of who we are. We have to heal ourselves and our fears while considering the benefit to others and our world, in order for our society to reflect that change. We are responsible for the world and what we manifest in it, and we need to take the responsibility seriously.

The changes have to come from within each and everyone of us, before it can be reflected into the outer world. Are you willing to take that step?

*

11/29/2009 - Aye, yih, yih!

Well, I’ve managed to forget just about everything I said just a month ago. My intentions are great, my follow-threw blows! Ding Dag Nab It!

What would it take to be mindful of God, appreciate my good qualities, forgive my bad ones, and make peace in my heart? What would it take to clean off my table and pull out my sewing machine? What would it take to grab my guitar and sit down to a daily session? What would it take?

A rubber band around my wrist, maybe? A daily affirmation from some new age internet site? Something I would see every day and be mindful of – I need some lipstick so I can write on my mirror!

I’m not as bad as I think, and not as good as I act, ya know? -ag

10/22/2009 Oh, I Get It!

So I don’t understand why I don’t feel connected to anything, and I this whole year has been a struggle with addictions, and I’ve gained weight and haven’t really conquered the cigarette addiction yet, and I’ve found myself spending too much time thinking about relationships that will never happen…and it’s been like the first 40 some-odd years of my life, only times 10!

So why am I so disconnected? I know what I want to do, and I wasn’t doing it, and I wasn’t all that concerned about doing it, and I’ve gotten so fat I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror! So, I’m thinking, “what has gone wrong?”

And then I get it. My relationship with God has been neglected. I started praying (actually about something entirely different) and ended up realizing that this is the one area that I really haven’t made any strides to get back. And this is the one place where I need to get back.

I don’t adhere to traditional Christian organized religions – I find them too restrictive, dogmatic, and neglectful themselves to the underlying message of Christ, which is Love. I heard all the “burn in hell, sinners” in my younger years, and I’m all done with that. But I have spent a good deal of my adult years studying religion and coming to peace with it through a metaphysical / new age point of view. I believe in reincarnation, I believe that all souls must eventually come home to God (Love), and I believe that the teachers that were sent here on earth should be known by their works. I hold Christ in great esteem because he was showing us who we could all become, if we have faith and hold God close to ourselves. He carried the Christ Consciousness that is available to all, and taught us that we too are the children of God, and “these things you can do also”.

And somewhere along the line, I neglected to let God help, and be a part of my recovery. The addictions are self hatred expressed – no doubt in my mind. The hatred of self sets up barriers to God and to the Christ Consciousness, and it escalates from there, to be expressed by more addictive behavior. I have failed to allow love into my heart…love of self (addictive behaviors), love of others (I am guilty of ridicule, which is completely disrespectful), and love of life (I wish that things were different! Woe is me…).

I don’t believe 100% of the bible – I believe that a lot of people, having access to that power, would further their own agendas through the biblical translations, no doubt. So I adhere to the teachings that feel true to me. Christ states that he is the child of man, and that we are all the children of God, and only through God is anything that he does possible. So today, and hopefully everyday hereafter, I will be mindful…God is here, with me, always. I can always have God with me at all times. I need to foster love of mankind, love of self, and love of life, so I can receive the grace of God, and feel the glory of God. I need to nurture this everyday so I can get closer to the person that I need to be to fulfill my destiny. And so I can teach my daughter these things. Because she needs to know that God is always with her also.

-ag

9/24/2009 Weary am I

Fighting and not fighting the smoking issue has been interesting. I smoke, than I don’t smoke for 3 or 5 days, then I smoke for 1 or 2; this is really weird and very different from the last times I quit. I don’t get it, except for I did express a wish that I could be one of those people that smoke sometimes, but not all the time…you know, the friend that smokes when you go out to drink, but doesn’t smoke the day after, etc. Always this fascinated me, because I’ve always said I was “all or nothing”, but this time I am proven wrong. Kind of weird, I don’t know where this will lead.

But with my voice getting back into shape, you would think I would be grabbing the guitar and going to town…writing down my existing songs, and making up some new ones. But, no, I haven’t allowed for that kind of activity. What I have been doing (being the Scorpio that I am) is obsessing about men that I know, craving you-know-what. I have been desperately trying to trade an addiction for another one, and not in a healthy way. Problem: thoughts are things. These men are too close for comfort; I see them way too often.

Solution: The only men I am going to fantasize about from now on are public figures who are far removed from me and get hundreds of fantasies on the God/Source World-Wide-Web everyday, and can not distinguish me from the hundreds of other adoring fans. I simply can not endanger my mental health, and I certainly can not intrude on others psychic web sites any longer. Not good for anyone.

I’m going to re-read ‘Manifest your Destiny’ by Dr. Wayne Dyer, and get back to what is important. It’s important to substitute a good addiction for a bad one; it’s good to pursue your path of destiny. I know I need to get back to music, I know that it makes me feel good, and I have always known that this is the one thing that I do that is good for me in every way. I need to do this for my self, my child who looks up to me to teach her, and my community that needs to know the depths to which we can feel and emote; to share the passion in art.

I’m going to do all the things I need to do, and clean out the cellar completely. The pipes are clogged again, and need to be opened. Anyone have a snake?

8/25/09 The Plot Thickens!

Oh, my, I just didn’t realize how deep this all went. So, as I said before, I am still on the road to quit smoking (I’ve had a couple of drags this week) but it has really dredged up a lot of issues that I sure didn’t want to deal with! So, I realized that I wanted a relationship to fill the gaping hole in my life, and I started to think ‘thoughts’ about a married man that I know.

Thoughts are things, and nothing has brought this home to me like the experiences that I have had within the last year. This year I have finally been able to connect the dots between my thoughts, and the reactions that I have had from other people. The reactions that I have noted have been obvious and immediate, and there has been no mistake that there is a correlation. This brings us back to our own connectiveness within the collective, and how we may feel isolated from others, but we are in no way alone.

Now, let me tell you of my most recent observation. I’ve really fallen in love with three men in my life, and this week I looked at the similarities for the first time.
1) They all three were married. Not a shock to me, I already knew that I had an issue there, probably of the “I only want what I can not have” variety.
2) They all take care of their wives financially. This I hadn’t realized in the past, but there is an issue within me there, as well. In other lives past, I’m pretty sure that I was ‘taken care of’ by other people, and I also know that this life I was supposed to practice taking care of myself. Apparently there is a belief in me that the ‘gaping hole’ will be filled if I don’t have to go to work everyday, don’t have to work for a living. This is erroneous, I know on a conscious level, but how do I convince my subconscious…?
3) They all made me laugh. None of them look the same, or have the same sense of humor, but all of them make me laugh a lot. And I love them for it. That will remain as a requirement for anyone wanting to have a relationship with me.

In one of those relationships, I didn’t go there. I’d like to think that was because I was best friend’s with the wife, but truly, I had no self esteem, and couldn’t imagine anyone ever wanting to be with me. In the second relationship, I did go there, and I told myself at first that I wouldn’t “care” about him, I would just sleep with him, get what I want, and have a very cavalier, “adult” attitude about it. I couldn’t have been more wrong! It took me no time at all to start resenting the time he wasn’t with me, and harboring hopes that the relationship he was already committed to would fall apart. When that didn’t happen (hello!), I was depressed and inconsolable, and miserable to be around (just ask my friends). This was the progression of my disease.

So, back on track. I’m thinking thoughts that I should not be thinking, and I’m harboring hopes that I should not be hoping, and as I’m talking to him, I realize that he is making constant references about his wife. Fine with me, but it seemed a bit much, and not connected to the conversation. And that’s when I realize.

He is a very stable, steady kind of guy, and he has already made up his mind not to go there with me. He may have harbored a thought or two 6 months ago, maybe a year ago, but he definitely is not there now. I think that he thought about who he is and where he is, and saw that it would not be to his (or anyone else’s) benefit to go there, and so he will not. And I could feel the shift, I think, and almost tell you when this happened. Because thoughts are things, and on some level, I felt this shift in him as much as he could feel my thoughts.

And he has been very kind to me, and will continue to do so, because he really does care about me. And I’ll go on loving him for now, since he has saved me from an old abyss. But the hardest thing is for me to look at myself and my own behavior though this whole thing.

I thought that I would just ‘take what I could get’ with him, but just like the second guy, that wouldn’t have worked in the long run. And I really can’t lie to myself about that any longer, it’s a repeat issue. Sooner or later I would resent his attention being elsewhere, and I would become miserable and start to pine away for him, because in my heart I would want him to fill that gaping hole in me (impossible, you know) and show me he loved me by taking care of me (here we go again).

And I was willing to become an interloper in a relationship that I had no right whatsoever to interfere in. These men are committed to women that they have built an entire world with, woman who have stuck with them through thick and thin, and for all their flaws, love these men. Take the truth in that, and mix it with the idea that these women have never fended for themselves completely out there in the real world, and would be lost without their significant other. The men that I love are all very loyal and committed, not the fly-by-night kind of guys. Of course, they would not leave their original love. And, of course, a wiser “me” would never ask them to.

So, as usual, the worse thing is seeing the truth in my behavior and owning my own mistakes. Sucks, but that’s where I am. After grieving (and I still am, a little), I felt better, and I sort of renewed my own commitment to myself. These men can not fill the gaping hole in me, only God/Source can. The only way I can really connect to God/Source easily is to play my music, write my songs, and bleed my heart (i.e. create). So, I’m off to write, sing, dance, and create. No more stupid, destructive distractions, I hope. No more pining for married men, I hope. I want to be a better person, really, and not set myself up for disaster just because that’s what I know, and it’s familiar. I think I want to be more ‘real’ and myself than that.

Wish me luck – I have a very hard head, and have a tendency to hang on to what I know. -fin